Re"Fine"

Joining the gang at Five Minute Friday today...


Choking again on another day of anxiety attacks.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue and I’m sobbing in my truck.

I went to lunch with my hubby, which I typically love, but instead today we talked of grocery budgets, his opinions and mine on expenses and I mentioned how I feel buried in my MUST DO NOW list. I’m sure he didn’t enjoy it any more than I did. He feels helpless with this crazy place that happens in our world. After 25 years, it’s still a challenge despite the professional resources we are grateful for.

And so, I sob, all the way home and cry at my keyboard as I type.

I see the word prompt for today is REFINE.

I feel like taking it in a non-normal direction and say re-fine is to say you are fine, and then when someone else asks, “How are you?” you say “fine”. So you re-“fine”. And you keep saying it because when you are feeling sucked in the blackness despite the sunny soggy-snow-melty blue sky day, that is how you are. Fine.

I don’t imagine off-ing myself. My suicidal thoughts died when my psychiatrist told me that often kids follow their parents if they commit suicide. That horrified me. Never. Ever. Ever.

Today I am just fine. Crying, sniffling, trying to push through the anxiety that is coursing through my veins I will continue to re"fine” until I believe it. 

I'll be "fine".