Friday, January 20, 2017


Joining the gang at Five Minute Friday today...

Choking again on another day of anxiety attacks.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue and I’m sobbing in my truck.

I went to lunch with my hubby, which I typically love, but instead today we talked of grocery budgets, his opinions and mine on expenses and I mentioned how I feel buried in my MUST DO NOW list. I’m sure he didn’t enjoy it any more than I did. He feels helpless with this crazy place that happens in our world. After 25 years, it’s still a challenge despite the professional resources we are grateful for.

And so, I sob, all the way home and cry at my keyboard as I type.

I see the word prompt for today is REFINE.

I feel like taking it in a non-normal direction and say re-fine is to say you are fine, and then when someone else asks, “How are you?” you say “fine”. So you re-“fine”. And you keep saying it because when you are feeling sucked in the blackness despite the sunny soggy-snow-melty blue sky day, that is how you are. Fine.

I don’t imagine off-ing myself. My suicidal thoughts died when my psychiatrist told me that often kids follow their parents if they commit suicide. That horrified me. Never. Ever. Ever.

Today I am just fine. Crying, sniffling, trying to push through the anxiety that is coursing through my veins I will continue to re"fine” until I believe it. 

I'll be "fine".


  1. Jennifer- thank you for sharing honestly. Some days fine is as good as it gets, some days it doesn't reach fine, but thankfully, God is still with us in the midst of it all! Praying for you.

  2. Visiting from FMF. Sorry it's been tough- I'm glad you could write honestly about it. It's often easy to smile and say we're fine when nothing could be further from the truth. Praying for you!

  3. Hi Jennifer. I don't want to say that I am sorry for the pain you are going through because it seems so trite. But I am. I am praying for you and your family. Truly I am. I pray that you will find that really fine place that will bring you comfort and peace. That you will feel the love of the Lord as he brushes the tears from your eyes and reminds you that you are His. I pray that you know deep in your core how very much you matter.
    God bless you. - Also a FMF visitor - Kelly