Saturday, April 12, 2014


I know I need to write something. I don't even care so much if it's brilliant, I just need to do it.

After having weigh loss surgery almost a month ago and very close to 40lbs lighter, than my highest weight 3 weeks before surgery
I find myself feeling like I'm coming back to life.

I have LOTS to do in my day-to-day world - things I could barely bring myself to tackle before. But I'm still not 100%. It is such a strange feeling knowing I'm capable of MORE than I have been in a long time but not physically able to perform all of what I think I want to do.

My body is adjusting to my new gastric sleeve and I'm still on mushy foods (baby food consistency) and liquid protein shakes for my main nutrition. I'm increasing my walking slowly but consistently (which feels ridiculous considering all I've done before - like busting out a 5K like it was nothing) looking forward to my 6 weeks post op & can increase my exercise options beyond walking. I can feel/see my body shrinking sometimes. Literally. I know it sounds a little nuts but I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror then before bed, I realize I'm smaller... so very strange after 20 years of losing and gaining over and over again.

There is something about losing 40lbs that is NOT impressive to me. It is the number of pounds I have lost over and over again. No matter what diet or fitness level I've attempted, 40 is my maximum pounds lost.

When I get to 50lbs and keep going lower, then I will begin to really experience the reason I chose this permanent MAJOR life altering tool to get the weight off. I am killing the food addiction tendencies to the best of my ability. I am praying through, leaning into pain, and longing for the new habits I'm establishing to become the way I live forever.

I have no pie in the sky ideal that I will never battle food addiction once I establish new habits, but I am very confident that the strength I have gained in these past weeks in my heart and mind will carry me through - as long as I never forget where I've come from and why I've made these changes.

This is why I write. This is why I share. So I remember and so those close to me lovingly remind me, when I forget, how hard I worked to get to where I'm going.

This butterfly is flapping her wings and getting ready to take off!
Blessings & Love!