Monday, June 9, 2014


It feels a bit strange being smaller.
Waking up in my own skin and having it match
More closely the picture in my mind.

I've never visualized myself FAT. This has greatly contributed to my denial that has faded in and out for the past 20+ years. I would go try on clothes or bathing suits and be confused and angry as to why I was so huge. Moving was getting harder, my workouts pretty much ended because my previously injured Achilles wouldn't tolerate it, and I was tired all the time.

Snuggling on the couch was most of the time I'd have with my fellas. 

Me at 325lbs. Still smiling. Still choosing life... mostly.
I have over two decades of journals FULL of my struggles with my weight, self-image, and dreams of being fit and healthy. Food Addiction had me full in it's grasp and I wanted OUT!

I had surgery March 18th.  It was a little scary and pretty uncomfortable making the much needed adjustments - it still is sometimes. But it's getting better. The grip of Food Addiction is looser, but not gone, and though I'm not near my goal weight, I am closer than I have been in a VERY long time. And getting closer every day.

Me at 262lbs... feeling lighter!
I am now down over 60lbs. It feels good. I am tired but my doctor did a full blood workup for me last week and EVERYTHING is in normal ranges. So, my being tired is due to either my sleep apnea (that has changed since I lost weight & my machine requires adjusting) or the fact that I have three wonderful and challenging sons, a puppy, and a home to manage and run.

I have started swimming again now and I will be setting some fitness goals this week to attain throughout the summer that will include training for a triathlon and weight lifting.

The best picture I've seen so far that describes how I feel is this:

I am a little (VERY) afraid of the changes that I am making. I have been overweight for 22years. I honestly can't imagine what I will look like or how I will feel. Then there is the nervousness about gaining the weight back - not doing the heart-work I need to do to keep the healthy habits for a lifetime. I keep moving forward, as brave as I can be and trusting God for the rest of what I need to make it all the way to the finish line of my weight and health goals and then MAINTAIN them!