Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Processing Peace...

These past weeks I've encountered a whole new challenge (well, several, but I'm going to be specific on just this one for now).

I've found myself processing what peace looks like in any given moment. So many times I feel like my life is a three ring circus (one ring for each boy) and I am the Ringmaster, the props manager and backstage director all at the same time. My Love, when out of town, is watching from a distant screen longing to join in the fun/chaos. When he is here, he and I trade hats, juggling each position as each of us can. I really miss him when he travels!

The rhythm of OUR chaos isn't out of control. Control is an illusion anyway, right? The rhythm of our world isn't supposed to match anyone else's life. I often find myself thinking I am doing something "wrong" or should be doing something "better". I do make mistakes and there is always room for improvement but should I ever feel apologetic for what our life looks like to anyone else?


We are US.

Our family chemistry is OURS. The synergy of US all together in a jam or in pure joy, it is OUR moment, OUR memories made.

If I have to pop on a Top Hat and crack the whip to get all my "clowns" in the car to get to school on time, I do. As long as I am not spinning my head and barking like the yak woman (sometimes it happens), I figure it is all a part of our world. Some days are prettier than others but overall, its US.

If I have to rearrange the props for a more effective production - then I do. Each son puts away his own laundry. Since amnesia tends to strike when it's time to take them from the one place I put them all in neat piles, I put each fella's pile on his bed. No questions about what is who's there... Thankfully they all know where they sleep. That's what we do - its US.

If I have to set timers, remove toys, or alter activities in order to notify each guy when his act needs to change and provide more clear and unmistakable direction then I do. Its OUR way.

I write all this not to be defensive because I've felt judged (and I have) but because regardless of who's opinion is out there - our family is wonderful. So is yours.

I have found a way to process this peace that may seem like chaos from the outside. ENJOYMENT. I'm not going with the flow or striving hard to do something better or more, but taking in the moments that are hard and the ones that are fun and being in that moment - seeing the process of peace, becoming, growing, learning, to enjoy US at a whole new level.

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