Thursday, January 23, 2014

Trying to Look Up Under the Tidal Wave

In my blog earlier this week I talked about waves of pain, anger, sorrow, joy and peace.

Today the wave of pain crashed over me and I feel helpless to rise to the surface. I know I will, time has taught me that, but while I'm down here I thought I'd share a few thoughts...



I look up at the metaphorical glassy surface of water flooded over me I can see ripples of my future. Submerged, holding my breath, pain pinching my lungs, I catch a glimmer of hope.

Acknowledging wrongs done, willing to walk barefoot over sharp rocks on the road to healing, pressing in to Father for comfort, clinging to Truth for oxygen, I try to breathe under the water. I can. Because of Him.

The pinch in my chest remains, not for lack of oxygen, but because agony must find its outlet. My thoughts wander to ones I've been charged to bring up in this world where heartbreak happens.



Our firstborn. The child promised and longed for. Nine and a half years of infertility and heart pleas for this one. His quirky sense of humor, energy and unquenchable creativity draw me in to ways of understanding only he and I share.

 
Our second born. A brilliant surprise VERY soon after our first gift. The glow of his smile and infectious laughter are unparalleled by anything else God created. Intellect and charm ooze from this guy and he is the sunshine of my every day. 



Our third born. Powerful in word and deed. Like a jolt of lightning this one struck with such delight and tenacity our whole family remains upended in a wonderful way. He is my personal assistant, giggle sparker, and fiercely loyal prince.


From the depths I see them, choose them all over again and pray for God's grace over them as I remain submerged in this season. I will continue to hold them, pray for them, laugh with them, cry with them and do life with them, even in dark waters, I can always reach up to them...

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