Being Angry and Still Living in Joy

It sounds crazy doesn't it? I think so.

BUT, I find myself there.

Neck deep in the ashes of some major life events that have left me ANGRY and sad, I find joy.

Joy like I talked about last week in this blog - for real.

The biggest nugget of joy has been being honest with God, myself and others about the massive tangible anger I feel about these circumstances. Turns out God isn't shocked, my friends and family still love me and the circumstances are still there.

One thing that has changed is me. I am building up courage to walk through pain and anger instead of trying to escape it. I have let anger get me a big butt, zits, lose sleep, sinus headaches from bawling, and separate me from the one(s) who have hurt me.

I've now personally experienced how anger is such an enormous dividing wall between me and the one I am angry with. I've been angry before but not to this degree that plunges to the depths and then threatens to erupt unchecked like Mt. St Helens leaving disaster behind.

This time I am venting. To God mostly. He's the one that can handle the really nasty stuff, even when it's Him I'm angry with. He is not mad at me for being angry and He built me with emotions to experience them not stuff and hide. I don't like to spew poison into the air when I speak. I try to stay away from it as much as possible. I've texted with a few friends & family but ultimately He's the one who will restore my soul's devastation.

I KNOW He will restore, heal and can handle my brutal honesty in my current situation. That brings me back to JOY.

Joy in the midst of the swirling blackness of anger is a shimmer of bright truth. A pure gold thread woven tightly into a blanket, a moment of silence in my thoughts when they settle and finding rest in His presence. Experiencing joy is the clicks on my keyboard sharing my process knowing someone will feel less alone in their pain because I shared.

This time I am walking through my anger, knowing His Presence contains the fullness of Joy and He is with me as I am with Him.